Commitment to marriage does not mean that marriage mates will never disagree with each other. When a conflict occurs, there should be an earnest desire to resolve the matter not only because of an obligatory vow but because of an emotional bond. Regarding husband and wife, Jesus said: “They are no longer two, but one flesh.”
What does it mean to be “one flesh” with your mate? The Bible says that “husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.” (Ephesians 5:28, 29) In part, then, being “one flesh” means that we feel as concerned with the welfare of our mate as we are with our own. Married people need to shift their thinking from “mine” to “ours,” from “me” to “we.” One counselor wrote: “Both partners must stop being single at heart, and come to be married at heart.”
Are we and our spouses “married at heart”? It is possible to be together for many years and yet not be “one flesh” in that sense. Yes, that can happen, but the book Giving Time a Chance says: “Marriage means sharing a life, and the more two people share, the more there is to grow on.”
Some unhappy couples stay together for the sake of their children or for financial security. Others endure because they have strong moral objections to divorce or because they fear what others will think if they break up. While it is commendable that these marriages endure, remember that our goal should be to have a loving relationship, not simply a lasting one.
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